When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems. No one ever warns or bothers to explain of the heartache life can bring and what it means. When there’s no one else, look inside yourself. Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within. Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way if you will learn to begin to trust the voice within. Young girl, don’t hide; You’ll never change if you just run away. Young girl, just hold tight. Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day. Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed, it’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid. No one reaches out a hand for you to hold when you’re lost outside look inside to your soul. When there’s no one else, look inside yourself. Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within. Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way if you will learn to begin to trust the voice within.
Christina Aguilera – “The Voice Within”

I did a little bit of thinking over the last week. I was examining the person I am now, comparing it against the person who I was even three years ago. I don’t think I am where I want to be just yet but I’ve moved so much closer to that Person I want to be; if anything, I am proud that I’ve moved away from the Me that I hated.

The limits of my patience have been tested time and time again. And even when I feel like I’ve fallen and broken into many pieces, I’ve picked myself back up again and been stronger for it.

The only thing that I still become very fragile about is my father. I can’t even begin to think about what I would have done had he succeeded in ending his life. I can’t imagine it. It’s not that I don’t want to think about it; it’s just such a foreign idea that I cannot even fathom it.

But even that aside, I’ve become a stronger person. I no longer let myself be the doormat for everyone around me. I had always stood up for myself when it came to certain things but I was still very weak. Now? I choose my battles very carefully. I do not flee when I do not want to fight. Rather, I build my strength of will and carefully gather my wits about me so that if I feel like I’ve broken, I can fix myself. No one else will fix me. No one else can fix me.

I think it’s a bit funny that I can see these changes and some people don’t believe me when I say things. Like I mentioned to Rick that I was going to say something to my grandmother about her childish actions and he scoffed at me, pretty much calling me a liar; that I wouldn’t have said anything. It hurt, but only a surprisingly small amount. I think that I have come to accept two things in regards to our relationship:

1. I am willing to pretend to be what he thinks I am.
2. I don’t care that he doesn’t see who I’m becoming.

On the first on, it sounds a bit depressing. But do not take it the wrong way: I am not a butterfly of a girl that he has trapped in a glass jar. I am willing to be patient and continue my growth while I let him catch the glimpses and make his own decisions on what he sees. Until the day comes that we have both decided who I am, I will make the choice on whose version I like better. But until then, I don’t really mind that he doesn’t see me how I would like him to see me. I am content.

Feels like the weight of the world; like God in heaven gave me a turn. Don’t cling to me, I swear I can’t fix you. Still in the dark, can you fix me? Freefall, freefall, all through life. If you love me, then let go of me. I won’t be held down by who I used to be. She’s nothing to me. Feels like the weight of the world; like all my screaming has gone unheard. And oh, I know you don’t believe in me. Safe in the dark, how can you see? Freefall, freefall, all through life.
Evanescence – “Weight of the World”

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted and mostly because I haven’t had the mental energy to pull on the emotional strings. Truth be told, I still don’t. But this is a release I require.

On December 11th of 2008, my father attempted to end his own life by means of overdosing on a myriad of anti-depressants and sleep-aid medication at his fingertips. Everything was prescribed to him by his doctors.

Needless to say, the entire ordeal has been very traumatic and has taken a large toll on me mentally and emotionally. Physically I am still exhausted but I cannot attribute that to the events of the last month since I’m used to physical exhaustion.

My dad and I drove out here, leaving San Diego on the 2nd of January with my cat, Lili. She did very well in the car. Dad and I didn’t talk about his suicide attempt or anything of the sort. We reached PA on January 4th and began the process of letting the cats meet and greet each other. My aunt Joyce called me the next day and wanted to get into specifics of the drive while my father was about 30 feet away. Then she gave me attitude about why I didn’t talk to him about his suicide attempt while we were in the car. She acted like I’d failed and that I was pathetic. I’m still so very very angry at her for how she handled everything.

I spoke with my aunt Carol the day after and told her about Joyce and why my dad and I hadn’t talked; he didn’t want to even touch the subject. I read body language very well and pick up on emotions. He very much did not want to talk about it. So I didn’t push. Carol agreed with me, that it was my call to make and sometimes it is better to proceed with life as normal after something like this.

My dad, myself, Rick, and Rick’s parents all went out to dinner that Monday night. It was raining fairly hard and I, as always, told Rick to put his seatbelt on. My father is very adamant about people wearing their seatbelts; he passed this on to his children. Rick, trying to act cocky, gave me attitude about it. My dad piped up with “You owe it to my daughter to wear your seatbelt.”

As I found out yesterday, Rick’s automatic response to that was going to be “and you owe it to your daughter to not kill yourself” but refrained. When he told me this last night, it felt like he’d punched me in the gut. I still haven’t really dealt with things.

I’m still so angry at my father. And I’m terrified, still, that he is going to try again and succeed this time.

Who would give me away at my wedding?
He wouldn’t get to see Kyle graduate.
He wouldn’t get to meet either of my brothers’ First Girlfriends.
Should any of us three have a child, he wouldn’t get to meet his first grandchild.
& he would never be called “Grandpa” to his face.

Ironically enough, I’d mailed a Christmas card out to my father on December 10th that was fairly sappy. It went on to say that I was finally beginning to find myself while I was out here and that I didn’t think I’d have gotten this far without him. He didn’t get the card, of course, until he was out of the hospital and I was there by that time so I didn’t push it upon him for him to read.

I’m just drained. I feel broken.

While I was gone, Rick was so amazing. He was so very patient and kept telling me to stay out in CA as long as I needed to, even though he missed me desperately. It was a waiting game and a day-by-day reanalysis of the situation with no real set date for the return.

But then I got back home and it’s just business as usual. I cry way too often, I’m not getting much help in the apartment, and I feel like he feels I’m just his little housewife because he’s bringing home the bacon. The problem is, I’m bringing home almost 50% of our household income. Yet I’m paying all the bills and I’ve been paying rent since he’d been laid off. Even January’s rent – and I’d missed out on over a week’s worth of pay because my Paid Time Off ran out while I was in CA. He didn’t have the money. So I took care of it. Again.

This month, he supposedly has the rent money already saved up and put away so I don’t have to worry about it. That will be a relief because I seriously ran up my American Express while I was in California. Rental cars, plane tickets, groceries, gas… It was the only way I even had the money in my bank account to handle the rent. Maybe, subconsciously, I knew that was going to happen.

I’m just tired of it. I am not asking to be taken care of. I’m just asking that it not all fall on me. Not the finances, not the chores… none of it.

I just wanna scream and lose control; throw my hands up and let it go. Forget about everything and run away, yeah. I just wanna fall and lose myself. Laughing so hard it hurts like hell. Forget about everything and run away, yeah. So-so’s how I’m doing, if you’re wondering. I’m in a fight with the world but I’m winning. Stay there, come closer it’s at your own risk. Yeah you know how it is life can be a bitch.
Avril Lavigne – “Runaway”

First, I just need to say that if you have a kitten or are getting one and need to get the first shots, check-up, and neutering done: go through Banfield at the Petsmart stores. They have a Wellness program that is like $200-something dollars for the year, payable over 12 months. It covers all the vaccinations and the alteration or declawing. We’ve already saved $500+ on Charlie. Speaking of Charlie, he is getting so big! I think he’s finally reached his full size. He’s grown into his ears! 10 lbs, 6 oz. And he’s not fat! He’s got a bit of what I call a ‘pudge-pudge’ but it’s minimal. He’s a very active cat.

Second, the trip to MI was… well it wasn’t a disaster but I wasn’t comfortable at all. Rick and I left here by like 8am and made it to Grand Rapids, MI in 11.5 hours. Rick did all the driving. (I offered! He refused!) The wedding was the next day. I managed to look hot so that was a huge plus. I got there and found a few of the agents from KW back in Los Angeles who are still friends of Lisa and they’d flown out for the wedding. They didn’t recognize me at first. That was amusing. But then I find out from my aunt Joyce that no one thought I was coming. Why? Because I’d RSVPed but not actually made contact with anyone otherwise to try and find a hotel/lodging or to get directions.

Uh. The address was ON the invite. I work for AAA. I do this shit for a living. Not to mention, I’m a big girl. I can figure out lodging on my own. In fact, I got a really nice hotel room for cheap and it was within 15 minutes of Lisa’s house. Nyaaaaah~! But it really hurt that they all just assumed that I was going to not show up. No, it actually hurt a lot. I get that I haven’t spoken to anyone except for my father since my grandmother’s funeral last year (in August). But it’s not like any of them have made any attempts. It goes both ways.

It was an open bar and everyone was drinking during the short ceremony. I was drunk within 3 hours. Good times. We left shortly after that and drove home the next day.

On Friday, Rick got layed off from his job. They cited the economic troubles, which is good because they can’t try and keep him from getting unemployment.

I’m still not sure what we’re going to do. Everything is up in the air at this point. We don’t know when the unemployment money is going to kick in or how much it is going to be. The only ray of light in this is that this is one of the months that I’m getting three checks. The first check paid October’s rent. The third check will pay November’s rent. The second check will pay my bills and be my gas/food money.

Very stressed right now.

He and I haven’t talked a whole lot yet about the future. Mostly, I think, because we’re both trying so desperately to not freak out and not let the other freak out.

I’m still going to CA, though. My ticket is already paid for. Non-refundable since it was paid for with the points. It would be completely stupid to not take the break I so desperately need.

On a side note: I’m completely in love with the new show Valentine!

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah, you PMS like a bitch. I would know. And you over think. Always speak critically. I should know that you’re no good for me. Cause you’re hot then you’re cold. You’re yes then you’re no. You’re in then you’re out. You’re up then you’re down. You’re wrong when it’s right. It’s black and it’s white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You don’t really want to stay, no, but you don’t really want to go.
Katy Perry – “Hot N Cold”

I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I believe that wall is my new found limit. I’m not sure I can take any more while at this wall. I wish he would step up and be the partner I need him to be.

Work is going well in terms of promotion. I’m definitely in the newest group to run the SE gauntlet; we’re being put to the test in various aspects and I’m leading the pack. That sounds really conceited but it’s true. I’ve been told that they’d rather lose me as a dispatcher to gain me as an SE because I have the ability to do the job of 4 dispatchers if the need arises. An SE doesn’t actually do the work of 4 dispatchers but we’ll oversee anywhere from 2 to 4 dispatchers on a normal day and up to 8 dispatchers on an abnormal day.

I proved myself last week when I was overseeing the following: All of Philadelphia, Montgomery, Bucks, Delaware, and Chester counties in PA, the PA mountain regions that we dispatch for, Mercer and Burlington counties in NJ as well as Atlantic City and Cape May county. The other person who was SEing? He had Ocean, Monmouth, Middlesex counties as well as the other random NJ counties… all of which were under tight control by the dispatchers. And he still lost his fucking mind. I wound up taking over half of his half of dispatch so that I was overseeing 3/4 of the center.

I’ve proved myself so much that while we have one supervisor on shift at work, for the last two days, he’s set my phone skills in the supervisor queue and given me temporary supervisor authorization just so I can help him out when he gets backed up. I got to tell someone today that, when they demanded a supervisor, I was it. It was awesome.

Money is a little tight this week. I get paid on Friday so we’ll be fine but we’re still sort of playing Beat The Clock. The rent money should hit the rental office on Thursday and the check should clear the bank on Friday. If it clears on Thursday it will just hit the credit line and we’ll be okay. Still, money will be tight this month:

Bill: Comcast
Bill: PECO
Charlie: Vet (checkup, shots, neuter)
My Car: needs new tires
And then the normal payments I have to make to various banks and credit agencies. I pride myself on never being more than 30 days late on anything. Yay! Go me!

Rick went through a scare at work as they were letting people go again. One of the guys in his department got cut. He seemed to be the only one worth anything so I really worry for Rick’s sanity while at work. But I doubt he’ll actively look for a new job. That’s not really his style. Hell, it’s not even his style to get a second job. I’ve considered it but the only hours I’d be able to work would be a midnight shift somewhere. I don’t think I’d be able to handle that around here given my apprehension about being Out after dark. I’m not exactly a fan of my neighborhood. Ugh.

Going to San Diego in October. Ticket was a whopping $5 (yay airline points) all paid for (money/points) by my mother. That was a huge help there. Also driving to Grand Rapids, MI two weeks before that because my aunt is getting married to her partner. Best wishes to them both.

Congrats to Shawna on her engagement.

Am I missing anything?

Couldn’t ask for a better day, two by two. To the ring to the right point of view. Each retreat to the corner that’s definied by you. To the ring to the right point of… Lonely Reign. She is the Boxer; she knows when and where to strike. He is the Boxer; he knows no peaceful sleep tonight
Carbon Leaf – “The Boxer”

Work
I don’t believe I’ve done an all-work entry in quite some time; usually because I have other things to prattle on about.

But today was not a good day. Not in the least. Not five minutes after I walked in did the entire network go down. Dispatch system, call receive system, internet, any and all connections. The only things that worked were the actual phones themselves and the nextel system. The phones only worked because we could log out and off the network and log back in to the secondary system. The nextel phones aren’t on any network at all.

So we were on paper. Meaning, someone calls in “I need road service” and their information is taken down by pen and paper. These papers are then shuffled off and organized by center (Hamilton/HOC or Newark/NOC). The Hamilton calls were walked over and faxed in where they were collected by two runners who need a serious lesson on NJ and PA cities. Papers are handed over to the dispatchers, often being re-directed to the correct dispatcher, and the dispatcher gets to figure out which shop is going to do that call. Then the dispatcher calls them, dispatches the call, and moves on to the next one.

The system was down from 3pm to 5pm. I did not get control over the Delaware and Chester counties until almost 9pm. I’d taken one 10 minute break to use the restroom and take a breather. Otherwise, I was not leaving unless I was forcibly removed. The entire booth was walking a very thin line, bordering on losing complete control. As long as my drivers ran the calls they had, it would survive.

Yes. The ETAs sucked completely. Some members had been waiting for four hours for service. But these were the exceptions. They were in the areas where I had one driver running and these people were going 10+ miles. I was bringing drivers into the area to specifically take these calls (and giving them anything else they could handle along the way). The people have my sympathies but there was really not much that I could do. My resources were completely exhausted. They were lucky we had anyone at all.

Come to find out, when I left at 9pm to take my lunch break… my SE/Service Expeditor (oversees certain booths) walked over to the other dispatcher and asked if I was really that poor of a dispatcher or if it was just a bad day. WHAT?? First of all, he has no business being an SE. He has admitted this numerous times. He certainly has no business watching over the Delaware/Chester/Mongomery/Bucks counties. Secondly, I can dispatch in circles around him. He was the one who had a mental breakdown today over the workload and stress… not me. I was flustered, yes. But never once did I lose my cool. Thirdly, How. Dare. He. Not once did he ever actually offer to help. When he finally asked, I told him what he could do. “Oh, um. Yeah I don’t know who would do that… sorry.” or “Yeah, I’m not supposed to do that. That’s your job.” If you aren’t going to help, don’t offer to help and then act like I’m not doing a fucking thing.

Needless to say, I’m extremely mad at him for the comment he made – which, of course, got back to me.

I say to myself: Self, why are you awake again? It’s one a.m., standing with the fridge wide open, staring. Such a sight, florescent light. The stars are bright. Might make a wish, if I believed in that shit but as it is, I might watch TV cause it’s nice to see people more messed up than me. I say to myself, as I smile at the wall, just let myself fall. It’s gonna be all right, no matter what they say. It’s gonna be a good day, just wait and see. It’s gonna be alright, cause I’m alright with me. It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be, it’s gotta be.
Jewel – “Good Day”

Magick
Oddly enough, a friend of mine at work has asked that I do whatever I think I can to help her out. Her karma has been really twisted around lately. She’s in a lot of pain physically from kidney stones. She’s got a lot of emotional pain she still hasn’t worked through. She feels very Broken. And she wants me to see what I can do.

So I’ve been focusing my extra energy on her. For health and healing. I’m still searching for a crystal to have her wear, to absorb the negative energies around her rather than letting them get to her. But I haven’t found anything I liked yet. They have to feel right, if that makes any sense. I’m also going to burn some candles for her and purify her living space. She can use all the help she can get right now.

But it feels weird to be working Magick for someone else upon their request. And it’s not going against the three-fold because the only gain is inner peace and health. We aren’t trying to gain riches, seek love, etc. It just feels weird. Mostly because everyone I’ve always been surrounded with has been so against anything I would have offered that I never bother. She was raised Catholic. Yeah. Just weird.

Of course, I am more than happy to do whatever I can. She’s an amazing person and it hurts to see her going through all she’s been through for the last few months.

We’ll see how this works out.

Charlie
This cat is an absolute crack-up. I almost typed “crack-head” right there, stopped, pondered, and realized it wouldn’t have been an error, really. No, kitty doesn’t do cocaine but there is definitely something off in the feline’s brain. In a good way. Gives him a lot of personality. He fetches. He high-fives. And he spends hours just laying or sitting between the blinds and the sliding glass door or window. He’s very affectionate and already knows when Mommy is mad. And that Mommy + mad = run-and-hide-and-look-super-cute.

I’ll have more pictures to post up over the weekend.

He and Sugar are getting along very well. He bullied her at first. Then she retaliated and he realized that he wasn’t at the top of the hierarchy. He loves to get into her cage and chill at the bottom. Or take over her sleeping next/hanging box-thing. Which is fitting since she steals his toys and is a bully about his food and water dishes.

Work
It’s been a pain in the ass since summer really hit and travel season started up. Not as many people are out on the roads this year, due to the gas prices and such. But that also means that not a lot of drivers are around to run the calls we do have. So it gets frustrating. I’ve been playing the role of Service Expediter more and more frequently – which both pleases and annoys me. I want them to promote me into the official title so I can get a raise in pay. I could really use that extra $3-$4/hour!

Meh.

Driving away from the wreck of the day and the light’s always red in the rear-view. Desperately close to a coffin of hope, I’d cheat destiny just to be near you. If this is giving up, then I’m giving up. If this is giving up, then I’m giving up, giving up, on love. On love.
Anna Nalick – “Wreck of the Day”

Wow, it’s been awhile since my last update. Which is funny because a lot has gone on but nothing so large that it’s really noteworthy.

First and foremost, I move on the 30th to another apartment. We got approved and it will be a one bedroom place. This is really going to be a sort of make-ir-or-break-it deal for us. There won’t be a third wheel to place blame on, no one else to be stressed over. Just me and Rick. And a kitten. And a ferret. And Lili… eventually. We move on the 30th. Today is the 24th 25th. We have very little packed up. So my stress level is rising.

Comcast is just making me increasingly annoyed, though. I’ve tried three times to cancel my cable and phone services with them (and keep the internet) but they’ve screwed it up repeatedly, including a too-early cancellation where I came home and the services were all turned off… a week and a half early. I called them up and they were confused. “Well, M’am, it shows here that you were looking to transfer your services.” to which I said “Yes. On the 30th. As I set up.” The poor male on the other end of the phone got a panicked edge to his voice and quickly put me on hold. They got the dates screwed up.

I was told I could do my cancellation over the internet/chat service they have available. This is how my conversation went: (and yes the analysts moniker was “Princess”)

user Danika has entered room

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:29:26 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Want to cancel phone and cable service

analyst Princess has entered room

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:29:35 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Hello Danika, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Princess. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:29:39 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Hello! How are you?

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:33:51 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I’m fine, how are you?

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:30:56 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I’m glad to hear that you are fine!

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:31:07 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I’m fine too. Thanks for asking.

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:31:54 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I understand that you want to cancel your Comcast Services. May I know why?

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:35:36 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I’m moving on the 30th (we have a transfer set up) but the cable is provided by the complex and we don’t need the phone service

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:35:50 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I want to keep the internet service… I just won’t need the cable/phone any longer

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:33:09 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> I’m honestly sad upon knowing that and I understand your situation.

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:33:55 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Cancelation is beyond my scope of work. For cancelation of services, please call 1-800-266-2278.

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:37:27 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Oh, I was told by another Comcast representative that I could do it online. My apologies

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:34:55 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> No problem. You really need to call for cancellation of services.

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:35:04 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Is there anything else I can help you with?

Danika(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:38:41 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> OK. Nope, but you have a great rest of your shift

Princess(Wed Jun 25 2008 03:36:02 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time))> Thank you for that.

I could just imagine this woman sitting there glaring at her screen thinking ‘thank you for the reminder, bitch.’ LMAO

Work has been difficult lately, mostly due to the lack of competent dispatchers available. The only good thing to this is that I’m outshining many and separating myself in terms of being in line for the next open SE position… which is just the next step to management.

But I’m exhausted now. And I’m not even done with Comcast yet. Holy shit I’ve been on the phone for almost an hour now.

We couldn’t say them, so now we just pray them: words that we couldn’t say. Funny, aint it? Games people play. Scratch it, paint it, one in the same. We couldn’t find them, so we tried to hide them: Words that we couldn’t say. It hurts, don’t it? Fools on parade. taint it, own it, chase it away. We couldn’t make them, so we had to break them: Words that we couldn’t say. Sometimes baby, we make mistakes. Dark and hazy, prices we pay. I seat here in my shelf, just talking to myself: Words that we couldn’t say.
Yoko Kanno – “Words We Couldn’t Say”

Words I can’t seem to say. So I’ll let the proverbial pen say them for me.

• Maybe I’m neurotic, as you say, because I’m overcompensating for your lack of caring and worry. It has to even out somewhere, right? And maybe a little less Asshole is required for us to work.
• Do you enjoy tearing me apart, tearing me down?
• What will I bitch about when we move out? You, undoubtedly. It’s not like you’ve changed at all.
• Do you want me to stay?
• You just don’t get it. The word “sorry” is not a nasty word. In fact, should it be spoken, a lot of things would be made better. But “sorry” seems to be completely missing from your vocabulary.
• I am not your mother.
• You’re an arrogant asshole. I hate you for it. And I hate that none of my friends like you at all. It hurts to hear from them all that I can do so much better. Do something about it and prove them wrong.
• Oh, and your choice in music sucks.

Chase the high ground – where you’d rather be; where you might be found. Face all aglow, to leave from here; to pack up and go. But it takes some time to get away and you will have to build from what remains. To run it takes the courage of a lamb. To love, the fierceness of a storm. Paloma, you wonder if you’ll miss the thunder. Everyone’s staring , but no one is caring for you now. Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze. Just take the leap… and you’re free.
Carbon Leaf – “Paloma”

I came home, relaxed for about an hour before going over to Ron’s house to let the dog out and check on the kittens. The plan tonight was that Rick was going to sleep at Ron’s house since he’d have to be over there early in the morning to let the dog out anyway. It would also give me the chance to sleep without him snoring and flopping on me during the night. I’m exhausted and it didn’t really hit me until today just how much so.

Imagine my surprise when I’m in the bedroom cleaning it up and Rick walks in. He said goodnight and that he was going to go brush his teeth and go to bed. I just sort of stood there looking at him and he asked if I was done cleaning. I said I was finished enough and sort of trailed off. He said “Good because I’m tired.” I stared at him and finally said “I thought you were staying at Ron’s tonight…”

Don’t get me wrong. I love him. I do. But I cannot stand when he changes plans at the last minute and doesn’t inform me in any way. It’s bad enough that he rarely lets me in on what’s going on – it’s worse when he can’t even hold himself to those plans. That’s why our anniversary was such a big deal: HE had to make the plans and keep them.

I just want him to talk to me. And he wonders why I don’t bother talking to him – yet he seemingly wants me to check in with him while I’m at work. Sorry, buddy, I don’t really work that way.